The 20 Something’s Guide to Bumble.
I feel like since I’ve been doing the dating diaries and you’ve seen that 90% of my dates usually are sourced from bumble (sourced, ugh I’m so clinical) it was high time I put together some rules of the game. I say game because it’s 2017 and every bumbler is out for themselves, welcome.
To be clear (like it wasn’t) this is obviously catered towards the female population. However, I’d like to add in some context that I think the men on the other side of this app might appreciate knowing. Of all the dating apps out there bumble is my favorite/only one I use. I’ve used others before and the thing I most like about bumble is the illusion of safety it creates for the female being that we have the control. I say illusion because that’s exactly what it is. Because I have the power to say something first I assume I won’t get the gross messages from guys who are too lazy to go to the bar and pick up DTF chicks in person, which is untrue. Although, in comparison to other apps I’ve used the ratio of freaks to good guys is much better, so props male bumble users for being less gross. We’re all so proud (please know that I am generalizing and that doesn’t mean you, my one male reader, are being judged for your actions but if I don’t add some drama to this puppy what’s the point of even blogging about this, right)?
So here it is, the good, the bad, and the ugly. But really, I’m a bumble professional so you can trust me that everything mentioned below will make you a better bumbler. You’re welcome.
Girls
If you are taller than 5’8” and height matters to you, you need to allude to being tall, or if you’re really ballsy just put it right out there, why not right? Ex. Tall-ish girl, swipe accordingly. Cute right?
Have multiple pictures of yourself, and ladies, not just a good hair and makeup day selfie okay? It’s a fine line between not sharing the looking like a trash can after the gym vs. all your “insta model” pictures. I should know, insta modeling is on my resume.
Please don’t put you like to travel if you’ve never even been further than a three hour car ride from your home, you’re not into traveling.
Your summary is not as important as the male’s because they don’t need it to start conversation, but please do something with it. It’s your one shot to show you’re worth swiping for if they aren’t in love with your face.
If you’re religious, let people know. This will save you time in the end.
Guys
Do not include a picture of yourself in a public bathroom on your profile otherwise you are immediately disqualified from this rat race to “find love”.
If I have to look at more than one photo of you holding a baby or a dog please know I can literally smell how hard you are trying.
Please for the love of god put something in your profile. It’s hard enough coming up with a witty one liner to send you (yes, I realize this is typically the guys job, but bare with us, we’re new here).
If you have a nice outfit/suit and you’ve managed to take a halfway decent photo in said outfit, please use it. A man in a nicely tailored suit is like a woman in fine lingerie....
Please don’t ever respond to our messages with “sup boo”. I took at least 30 seconds to cultivate a flirty yet humorous opener and that’s the best you can do? Don’t be surprised when you don’t get a response.
P.S. Guys always seem to think that girls are the ones that don’t respond, but based a recent poll (that I took of my closest single girlfriends, so it’s obviously legitimate) guys are responding to about 50% or less of all messages that the girls send. So, you aren’t better than us, sorry.
In conclusion, bumble is what you make it. I know a lot of girlfriends that have found their mister right on bumble, and some that are just working with their mister right now. Hopefully these tips point you in the right direction to find mister right rather than mister right now but ultimately you match by chance and where it goes is up to you. Last piece of meaningful advice, don’t use the intro “buzz buzz, cutie” it doesn’t do well… not that I would know from experience or anything. Until next time, BYEEEEEE.
P.S. Live action footage of me swiping when I'm bored below. Don't pretend you're appalled.
